Once upon a time I used to read only mommy and daddy blogs and a handful of personal blogs; those alone took big chunks of my free time. I also only used to read blogs of individuals who read mine and I thought that was fair but obligatory and dull. The whole ‘you comment, I follow’ rule never worked for me and actually, when it comes to blogging, rules in general don’t work for me (and probably why I haven’t once successfully completed NaBloPoMo). It’s just blogging; writing and reading on the internet because I feel like it, when I feel like it.

I stopped reading a lot of blogs because of their family friendly, child-focused goodness tainted with cheesy reviews and plugs (obviously not a bad thing when you look at the popularity of and money involved in parenting blogs – and I do have a little handful of exceptions – it’s just that I come online as a break from children rather than to hear all about other people’s), messages of mediocre being the new black, blahs, whaas, dramas and constant rantings.

I was feeling unfulfilled, uninspired and missed learning about actual people and their passions.

Coming online is my hobby, my escape. In my time here, I want to learn something, see something beautiful, become inspired to better my world, get to know a person’s heart, soul, fears, passions and dreams a little better. I actually love reading your memes and diary-style entries because I learn so much about you as a person.

So basically my criteria became, if I’m not learning anything about the writer, then I don’t read the blog. The “writing” doesn’t even matter – I’ve never been one to follow after so-called amazing ‘writers’ in the blogosphere anyway; I’ve always preferred the unique, original, one of a kind diamonds over the obnoxious shiny stones bought in a mall because the romantic commercial said to.

Anyway, everything changed and my reading list was quartered, in effect clearing up a bunch of time.

And so I started out on an adventure outside of my comfort zone and found hundreds of ridiculously positive, beautiful, inspiring, gorgeous, thought-provoking blogs. Personal blogs, niche blogs, photo blogs, food blogs, every kind of blog blogs. They make me smile.

People doing actual things over and above the norm. Blogs teaching Yes. People encouraging me to touch the sky because I can and if I don’t succeed today, try again tomorrow or next week or next month; just don’t stop trying. Articles focused on becoming anything – including happy – if you want it badly enough. Artists sharing what’s gorgeous and moving through their eyes today … This practice changed my life … Here is how I’m succeeding … Open your mind … Aim to be more and better …

(You can find snippets if you click my “Everything Beautiful in the Blogs” button on my sidebar which is my shared items in Google reader).

And my mind was blown open to a world of colour brighter, richer and deeper than I’ve ever seen before and it’s all been extremely fulfilling and thought provoking.

But all this computer time is over-stuffing brain; I can feel it sparking with all the information I’m receiving and not properly digesting. I’m like an overly excited child constantly darting to the next ride.

So it’s time to slow down and savour. There is so much beauty and greatness that I never knew existed out here in the blogosphere and it could easily consume my entire life.

Talk about inspiration overload. I never knew there was such a thing.

I also never knew there was such a thing as writing 600+ words and not really remembering what my main point was supposed to be. Sorry

But know this …

If you’re reading this and I’m reading you, then I want you to know that you, as an individual, constantly amaze me.

Thank you for being excellent and sharing it with the world.

I did the walk n’ snap throw about a hundred times tonight for anybody … my mom, my brother, Colin, his brother, Callie and Lily …

Singing, “You’ve been hit by … you’ve been struck by … a smooth criminal”

Head. Pop, lock. Shoulders. Pop, lock. Neck. Pop, lock.

“Annie are you ok … so, Annie are you ok, are you ok, Annie?”

My brother, “You’re NOT a dancer, Jen.” (It seems as though I embarrass him in public appropriately).

Heh.

I finally saw This Is It today and if I have my way, maybe Colin will stream it for me so I can watch it in bed tonight before I fall asleep. And if I’m really lucky I’ll be gifted the DVD for Christmas so I can actually stand up and dance to it instead of being confined to a reclining chair in the theater, where all I can do is groove is my head, fingers, legs and feet.

I know that you, my tens of readers, are rolling your eyes at me right now and that’s quite alright. I won’t lie … it’s been difficult to find an equally big Michael Jackson fan anywhere but YouTube and Europe since he died.

But I grew up on Michael … so did my little brother. My mom forced us to listen to him on vinyl just like she did with all her 60s/70s/80s records … and we liked it. My first kiss was Michael Jackson. Our babysitter taught us the moonwalk for an entire summer. I cried at the video debut of Thriller when I was 4 (FOUR YEARS OLD, MOM! That’s how old my girls are, ha )

Anyway, today was a day I’ll never forget.

With my MJ comrades – my mom and brother – I took at seat at This Is It and was instantly fascinated and transfixed on this legend of a man, his absolutely mind blowing dancers, back up vocalists and production crew.

And holy shit, I was in awe.

Of dancing I could only dream of doing myself …

Of Michael’s perfectionism …

Of his gentleness …

Of his passion and energy …

Of the stage set including a massive background screen and that they actually taped large production films to show on that screen for the shows (you should SEE the new Thriller video WOAH) …

Oh, man. This Is It would have been such a very, very epic show.

He says at one point in the movie, “It’s all for love. L-O-V-E” … Yes! He knows. He was love, a lover of Earth and humankind (despite how hated he was by many accusatory and judgmental people of his home, North America).

And those people are the most beautiful people – the kind I of people I aim to be. Loving, forgiving, awakened, aware, hope-filled and Earth conscious.

But, wow. I don’t even know what else to say except it was the best movie I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

And if you can and love to dance … like really dance … dream of being a dancer … have been a dancer … admire good dancers … or if you just love Michael Jackson …

Then you MUST see this movie on the big screen in the short time you have left, because oh my God … it was totally golden.

I cried on the inside and bit my lip to not cry on the outside – not because I was sad but because I was so moved by the talent and pure awesomeness and beauty that is Michael Jackson and his production family.

Such head-exploding goodness.

(Obviously, I would be a horrid film reviewer with things like “head-exploding goodness”. Forgive me if you’re actually taking this review seriously … I’m just excited.)

But I loved it and being there was the highlight of my year* maybe.

Go see. It’ll fill you with groove and awe.

*I live a sheltered, yet music and dance filled, life. Don’t judge.

I don’t let much bother me these days.

Sixty straight days of rain? There is beauty and cleansing to be found in rainfall.

No money? At least the bills are paid, we have a warm home and lots of good, healthy food. Heck, we even have the Canucks Pay-Per-View season’s package and for that I feel truly rich.

Weight gain? Curves are sexy, I am healthy.

It’s been easy to find the positive in almost every situation.

And then they came.

The fruit flies.Two of them, everyday. Isn’t a fruit fly’s life expectancy like, 9 hours? My fruit is fresh, not rotting and my kitchen is clean, wiped down with chemicals often.

I think they’ve come to torment me in my newfound peace and it’s working. I stand at the sink doing dishes or washing vegetables or cutting sandwiches into perfect little squares and one of those bastards will fly by my head.

I grab the can of Lysol ready to battle. I know now that if can spray him twice, then he’ll drop and I win. But do you know how hard it is to spray a fruit fly twice? Damn near impossible.

And even if I do win, he’s eventually replaced by one of his spawn, which leads me to believe that they’re breeding somewhere and that thought most definitely ignites the crazies deep inside me – the thought that somewhere in my kitchen, undetectable to my nose, something is rotting and fruit fly eggs are hatching.

That’s the worst kind of crazy to be.

So today? I build a fruit fly trap and rip apart my kitchen.

And if that doesn’t work? We’re going to have to move.

I want to give you a gift to make you smile but I don’t know what you love. My hope is that if I share with you the things I love most, that one of them will be perfect.

So what’s it going to be? …

~ The Moon ~

I would probably catch you gazing into the sky, announcing the full moon, reading horoscopes and believing in the fates.

To you I gift the most powerful of telescopes and a map to a cozy spot under a vast black sky where you will observe constellations and untouched planets for the rest of your nights. A million stars will shine for you and there will be no shortage of shooting stars to make wishes upon.

~ Spa Bathroom ~

You love peace, tranquility, meditation, warmth, clean white spaces, wood and beautiful aromas.

You will have a spa bathtub, candles, the softest of towels straight from the dryer, your favourite music playing quietly in the background and the most pure and organic bath luxuries at your disposal.

~ Whistler, BC ~

You’re likely in love with mountain sports and fresh air. Boutique shops, gourmet foods and apres ski pitchers in a laid back village setting. You relish first tracks, freshies and waking up in darkness to avoid lift lines. You love watching soft snow fall from your place in an outdoor hot tub or from inside on a chair beside the fire.

To you I gift mountain passes, top of the line gear, no lift lines, first tracks, reservations in the finest gourmet establishments, ski in/out accommodations with private outdoor hot tub, VIP to your favourite clubs and bars … and endless snowfall.

~ Flowers ~

Your heart skips a beat when the man in your life sends you a bouquet or brings flowers home from work for no reason. You have many shapes and sizes of vases as well as spots you display your beauty. You spend time admiring arrangements, carefully cutting stems, stopping into florists to inhale and you adore garden centers and nurseries. You inhale and take pictures of gorgeous blooms and you have a garden to which you tend. Spring is probably your favourite time of year.

To you I gift a home in the hills of Maui, Hawaii. You will play under waterfalls and frolic in fields of plumeria and other native exotics. While weaving leis, you’ll sit with a bloom behind your ear sipping a Mai Tai as the trade winds assault you with fragrance.

~ Hockey ~

You watch every game your team plays but you also have alternate teams you cheer on; you may be part of a fantasy league. You dream of seasons tickets in your home ice arena and have no plans of ever missing a single one even in if it falls on holidays or birthdays. You’re the owner of at least one team jersey which you put on hours before the game begins, you know the words to both Canadian and American national anthems but only sing your own country’s out loud, you love the smell of ice and you’ve probably paid (or are willing to pay) a mortgage payment to see your team in the Stanley Cup playoffs. Beer is your drink of choice and hockey is life. A huge void is most likely felt at the beginning of off-season.

To you I gift seasons tickets with your choice of seats for the rest of your years and non-stop beer. You’ll catch a puck, pound fist to glove with your goalie after a winning game and a jersey autographed by the team. Your team will win the Stanley Cup and you’ll be there to witness it. (And this gift is transferable to your preferred sport)

~ Wine ~

You don’t have wineglasses, you have stemware – a type for every wine and occasion – that you delicately hand wash. Wine is something you look forward to as a full experience. You savour it. You feel a bottle in your hands … uncork it, pour it, swirl it, inhale it’s notes,  hold a beautiful glass to the light and study it’s colours, reflections and depth. Sip.

To you I gift endless wine; the best the world has to offer. You will sit with a favourite  friend under the stars and sample your treasures any night you please. There will be guaranteed drunkness, laughter, excellent conversation, good food to fill your belly, perfect music to fill your soul … no hangover.

~ Music ~

You love music and always have. Your earliest memories might be of your parents forcing you to listen to vinyl on a record player and you have a vast knowledge of and open mindedness to all genres of music. Music was, and continues to be, playing the background. Anything goes because you crave sound … you have an extensive music library … you’re a concert go’er and reviewer. Without music, your life would feel quite empty.

For you, I gift music. Your most loved musicians and bands will perform in your city monthly … big shows, small shows, acoustic shows … however you’ve dreamed them, they will be. Your playlist will be gifted with one new song every morning that you absolutely fall in love with because it’s written for you, about you and your journey. Sometimes it makes your cry and others make you kiss your fist and touch the sky. You’ll have top quality equipment and gadgets to listen to or create music, which are constantly replenished with technology advancements.

~ New York City at Christmas ~

I’m not sure who you are but if you’re anything like me you love the city. Maybe you don’t love city life, but you feed off the energy of cities and all they have to offer. You’re most likely a free spirit with good walking shoes, health and energy to walk all day long without time schedules or things to do. You have no fear of the unknown. You dream of skating at Rockefellar Center and siting on a bench in Central Park with coffee, people watching.

For you, I gift New York City at Christmas and all of the magic it holds. The weather will be freezing and perfect … the first flakes of Winter will fall on the cold, rosy cheek of your love with whom you will skate and roam the city hand in hand. You will have infinite amounts of money to visit landmarks, do your Christmas shopping, reservations at restaurants of your choice and a week long stay at a luxury hotel. This gift will reoccur each year in the Christmas season.

~ Perfect jeans ~

You tend to despise shopping for jeans and perhaps never leave a shop completely satisfied. Maybe you prefer sweats and yoga pants because jeans just aren’t comfortable and ‘mom bum’, sag or too tight might be what you see when you look in the mirror. Even if you do wear denim all of the time, they’re never ‘the’ perfect jeans.

Well, I’ve found the perfect jeans and am wearing them right now. The place I bought them is a store specializing in denim and once I figured out my waist and length sizes I had dozens of fits and washes/rinses to choose. I walked out with three pairs and they all fit like a glove, keep their original shape and I seriously love them. My gift to you is the name of this amazing store, a denim shopping spree and a forever jean-clad, smackable, sexy ass.

~ Notebooks ~

You’re a writer, artist, diarist, list maker, doodler, poet. You create your beauty on paper in favoured notebooks. Your magic is not found online in your blog, rather, in ink or pencil. A lover of book stores, libraries and stationary shops, you find peace and serenity in quiet moments. If you’re like me, you like to be alone with your notebooks and thoughts; you are a dreamer.

To you I gift quiet moments of contemplation, an endless supply of your preferred notebooks, writing tools and books. You will have a comfortable, peaceful spot to utilize whenever you need to get away from it all, to create your written magic.

~~~

So, my friend, I ask you … which of these gifts would bring the biggest smile to your face and heart today?

]]> http://eternallyhuckdoll.wordpress.com/2009/11/07/id-love-to-see-your-smile-today/feed/ 5 Huckdoll the moon spa boarding flowers hockey wine music new york jeans notebook http://eternallyhuckdoll.wordpress.com/2009/11/06/timelessness/ http://eternallyhuckdoll.wordpress.com/2009/11/06/timelessness/#comments Fri, 06 Nov 2009 08:01:57 +0000 Huckdoll http://eternallyhuckdoll.wordpress.com/?p=3731 ]]>

I don’t own a cellphone.

I know. How do I live, right? *eyeroll*

Honestly, it’s not something I even notice anymore because it’s been so long. My last cellphone was back in 2006 and with that phone I had two others – one in Colin’s name and a ‘nanny’ phone for my mom who babysat my kids full-time when I went back to work.

I stopped being able to pay the monthly $300 bill when I decided to return back to the home full-time don’t exactly remember what happened but eventually I had no phone #1, #2 or #3 anymore and while I missed it at first, the longing was short lived.

It was around the time when people (not all, but many) stopped having real conversations because their noses were buried in their ’self-owns’ and it was almost enlightening in a way to not have a mobile device and to be able to witness the way technology started to consume so many.

A month or so ago, Colin gifted me with two executive suite tickets to the Jason Mraz concert at GM Place in Vancouver. While I had issues with the privileged mentalities of the regulars on the suite level, I had a pretty amazing view of everything (and a waitress, wine list, leather couch and a balcony seat cozier than my bed … I could soooo get used to that for the Vancouver Canucks season … damn privileged ones).

One of the moments that stuck out the most was when he sang ‘Beautiful Mess’ and 10,000 people had their Blackberries and iPhones waving above their heads the way lighters used to be.

It was an ocean of blue screens and I was like, “Okay, that’s up there on my ‘What’s This All About? list,” but okay. Smoking is pretty out of style around these parts but smoking dope isn’t – especially at a Mraz concert in Vancouver: Home of the best weed in the nation – so most people should technically should carry a lighter, but okay. Blue screens are the new flame. Noted.

What it did do was put it into major perspective how simple I am.

Really … I have no use for a cellphone. When I’m out and about with my girls, I don’t want to be contacted … that’s my time in the fresh air with my kids at the park, lake or beach … my time to grocery shop … my time to peruse a bookstore … my time to do everything and anything outside the home with 100% concentration on my tasks at hand.

Take the other day for example.

The girls and I went for a stroll to the nearby lake and up to the playground. It started getting dark (the time change is still messin’ with my head) and I was tempted to ask the time from somebody, but I decided that I’d just embrace the moment and use my instincts. I mean, Colin doesn’t get home till it’s pitch black so as long as we left while it was still light-ish, we’d be okay and he’d still get a warm dinner upon arrival.

And it was kind of cool just going with the flow like a kid. Remember when you were a kid and just played until your mom called you inside? Remember having no concept of time and just being?

That’s what it was like. My girls and I just being and naturally strolling home when we were tired of roaming.

Freedom.

And while I fully understand that many people enjoy being constantly connected, I can’t fathom being always available.

Those moments of timelessness are indescribable.

Just about everything was right in my world this morning until I received a phone call from Colin who had just seen a friend who had just lost a friend to H1N1 and has two relatives hooked up to ventilators in the ICU as we speak.

(Graph by: pianoknight via Graph Jam Builder)

Most of you know that I despise the news as well as most forms of media – especially those that induce widespread panic and fear – so I’m not going to get into the details of the death. Feel free to email me privately if you want more information. What I will say is that the victim was a perfectly healthy 26 year old with absolutely no underlying conditions and the death was nothing short of horrifying and tragic.

My original plan of action was to take a natural approach to H1N1 utilizing an anti-flu diet supplemented with vitamins, minerals, rest and moderate exercise. I was adamant that my family and I would not receive the H1N1 vaccination, stating in many places around the internet that I refuse to inject foreign substance into my body or those of my children unless it is absolutely necessary.

Because I don’t like modern medicine. I have a doctor who always offers naturopathic suggestions to health ailments before prescriptions which I tend try first … I’m hesitant to ingest Tylenol or Advil let alone cold meds or anything stronger … medication is scarce at my house, in my body and in the bodies of my family.

I refuse the flu shot every single year (except for the year my girls were born). Last year we were all extremely sick but if you remember my life one year ago, it was the perfect definition of chaos. Colin and I were separated, I was working full-time and commuting daily to and from the city on public transportation, my kids were in a daycare centre full-time, my days started at 5am and ended somewhere after midnight, I wasn’t eating or taking care of myself properly and I was so completely out of my mind that I’m surprised I didn’t end up in a mental institution.

I had a whole slew of illnesses last year including the common cold, flu, bronchitis, laryngitis and pneumonia … but I totally earned them, you know?

This year I was pretty confident – in my current body/mind health and wellbeing – that I would sail through H1N1 effortlessly with the mentality that people who take good care of themselves aren’t affected.

But then I received that phone call … I made phone calls and sent emails … I listened and talked, listened and talked … a few hours later I received a phone call from Colin’s friend who lost a friend but by then my decision was made.

So on Saturday we all get vaccinated.

And hope we don’t all turn into the screeching night zombies in I Am Legend.

I’m writing this post less than 12 hours after my last in an attempt to get ahead of the NaBloPoMo game. The past few years, my demise has always been leaving my posts till the very last minute and panicking. I felt that familiar feeling last night when I posted Day 2 with less than 15 minutes to spare – so no more!

What I know about myself for sure is that early morning is my ideal time of day, so the goal starting tomorrow is to wake up a few hours earlier than normal and do something alone. If it’s nice outside I’ll go for a run … yoga … go to the gym … meditation … write my posts and read blogs … eat breakfast … drink coffee … all in complete silence.

I miss silence … need silence … crave silence.

As I commented on Mary’s post today, silence and sleep are two things I never fully appreciated pre-kiddos; lack of them leaves me feeling frazzled and at wits end by evening.

So starting tonight, I go to bed early.

Starting tomorrow, I wake up early.

Because silence truly is golden …

Do you have moments of absolute silence … is it important to you and your well-being … if so, is it a natural part of your day to day life or have you enforced it?

I’ve been to Hawaii on two separate occasions.

Each time, I was able to stand at the edges of Sunset, Banzai and Waimea, observing the most powerful bodies of water I’d ever seen in my lifetime. The sheer force of those oceans had me fearful and captivated; the heavy breaks at shore often had me taking a few steps away at the same time as they called me to move in closer.

Over these past few years I’ve often felt as though I was a novice surfer stuck riding inside the barrel of a wave far too big and powerful than I was capable of handling. The sheer power of the different thrusts and pulls had me flailing about, experiencing highs and lows and I could never seem to find a way out. The wave wouldn’t break or toss me.

And while I knew there were placid and calm waters somewhere outside of my stormy ride, I had no idea how to get out. Quite often I’d spot another surfer – sometimes they were inside the barrel with me, other times outside, but no one could take my arm and guide me out – I had to do it myself but I didn’t know how. So I just stayed there accepting the fact that maybe I’d never find my own way.

…:::

About one month ago I began reading a book called The Art of Happiness. It’s a book of conversations between a Western doctor of medicine and the Dalai Lama and is based on a few simple premises:

1. The purpose of life is happiness.

2. Happiness is determined more by the state of one’s mind than by one’s external conditions, circumstances, or events—at least once one’s basic survival needs are met.

3. Happiness can be achieved through the systematic training of our hearts and minds, through reshaping our attitudes and outlook.

4. The key to happiness is in our own hands.

“The Art of Happiness offers a variety of techniques to help overcome the destructive mental states that are the source of much of our misery—mental states such as anger, hatred, greed, jealousy, discouragement and fear.”

One month ago today, I gradually found my way out of the wave to a place that feels like this…

I don’t believe it is just the book or the Dalai Lama or the Buddhist faith principles or my very holistic approach to health and wellness … but one day I just got truly positive.

Quite a few of you have noted my recent outlook here and have even asked questions about the hows and whys and whats and all I have to say is this:

One day I decided my life is not a Monday-Sunday calendar, rather a journey and only I can navigate my journey.

It was time to stop wasting time trying to figure out why people act and do the things they do and focus on why I act and do the things I do. Other people are exactly how they’re meant to be.

It was time to start accepting everything is how it is meant to be and always will be.

It was time to start living in the now because this moment is the only guarantee on my journey.

It was time to truly love myself. It was time to look in the mirror and able to say to myself:

Yes, I am bragging. I am worth it.
I am happy, and I deserve it.
I am committed to loving me.
When I honor myself, the world shifts around me.
I am brilliant. I am proud. I am sexy.
And I am allowed to use my power
To shine and to attract greatness.
I am divine.

(Source: Gaiam Life ~ Your Guide to Better Living)

It was time to realize that everything about loving myself is right.

It was time to learn and practice compassion and empathy.

It was time to realize that what I give to the world is what I get.

It was time to be kind to the Earth which has provided me with so much.

It was time to practice daily gratitude.

It was time to make happiness my purpose.

“What you think, you become”

2007 … Fail
2008 … Fail
2009 … ???

(Thanks out to Dory at Can’t Remember Diddly! for her impressive badge creation)

I’m not sure why I am attempting it again but I am, this time without any expectations on myself to finish which seems to be a good way for me to get things done these days.

If you don’t already know, NaBloPoMo stands for National Blog Posting Month and it just means I will post everyday of November instead of my 3.3 posts per week average. For more information or to register yourself, please click here.

I’ll try to keep it interesting for you guys, meaning that my usual essays and novel length posts will be less and little snippets and pieces of my mind will be more.

So there you have it.

Day 1 of 30 conquered and it’s time to go play outside in a picture perfect west coast Fall day.