stop talking and start doing

01Sep09

The more I venture outside of the parenting blog world, my eyes are opening to people doing things – things that are not parenting, writing about it and posting photographs of it.

Disclaimer: In no way am I saying that parenting, writing about it and taking pictures of it is not ‘doing things’ – it’s what I do from 8am to 8pm each day and occasionally in the middle of the night. It’s doing something huge indeed. Throw in there working outside the home and you’re doing something bigger than huge – one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life.

What I’m talking about here are individuals – some have children and some don’t – with passions, dreams, great ideas, baked ideas and LOVES. They’re sort of saying, “Fuck the grind for life, the stereotypes, the way it’s supposed to be” – and they’re actually doing things instead of just talking them to death or settling; constantly moving towards their dreams and goals and nurturing their inner child. They’re thinking and walking a path less taken – one of personal achievement, a life fiery with passion.

As parents, I think we should all be able to look at our grown children in our old age and say they were our greatest achievements – it basically goes without saying that raising our kids is first priority.

But what about our greatest achievements as individuals? Our greatest achievements as people with our own minds, talents and lusts?

Kids go to bed, weekends at Gramma’s, summer camps, they grow, start school, extracurriculars, sports, spend time with friends, sleepovers, go out on weekend nights, graduate, travel, college, move away. And then what?

Nothing for a lot of people – the couple in the coma. The man’s reading the paper and the woman’s looking at her food and into space. Not a word or eye contact is exchanged – yeah, we all know them and I find them painful to watch. They’ve just run out of things to say to each other because they stopped evolving their individual ages ago. And sadly, that’s acceptable for so many people.

On the other hand, these people I’m observing – they’re in motion – thinking, doing, creating and discovering. They’re electric; you can practically feel their energies through their words; you’re in their heads witnessing the sparks and light bulbs. You know the person you’re reading – the individual and their passions are constantly evolving and growing rather than becoming lost and withering.

They’re the couple sitting at the restaurant shooting ideas off at each other; writing on napkins; barely eating; laughing; sharing stories. People watch them.

They’re doing shit bigger and better and seem happy and energetic whether they’re making money or not. And it’s so fucking awesome and inspirational to witness.

I have passions – major loves of my life that have been swept under the rug for way too long because they’re not really ‘mom’ things and they don’t really fit into the family dynamic, you know? I don’t feel well sometimes because I’m shoved into a really tight spot. A spot where one day becomes the next and it was no different than yesterday or tomorrow. It’s mundane. I can’t fucking stand mundane for too long – it messes with my brain and the way I take care of myself.

I sit there and think, “I wish…” or “If only…..” or “I’m too _____ to do that/move like that/listen to that/dress like that”. Most of the time I feel 24 in the body of a 30 year old and my mind feels like it’s got two areas: the responsible parent – Area Jen Mother and the kid – Area Jen Individual.

The parent wants to aim high and give her everything to raising children and running a smooth domestic ship. The kid just wants to mix music, dance and ski all over the world.

I have dreams, man. And I’ve finally realized after reading so much inspiring stuff – that it’s all possible in some alternate form. Also, that it’s more than possible to blend the parent and inner child.

Colin and I have a dream that we’ve been talking about for over a year now that could eventually put us on helicopters hovering over terrain park kickers and behind high-end photography, filming and editing equipment capturing motion in film and still at our favorite place – the mountains. These ideas will put us in athletic hubs and immersed in winter sports – perhaps all over the world one day if we’re good enough. X-Games would be yummy, too.

And then there’s my music addiction. I spend hours every night pouring over hundreds of songs – new and old – trying to find that perfect hook or break or riff or lyric or bass line. Something different. Something that brings my groove. I usually find a little treasure most nights, even if it’s just two tracks out of two hundred I’ve sampled – and it all goes into a vault.

All of my found music will eventually be used in conjunction with the athletic stuff. Maybe one day I’ll make enough money to buy everything I’d need to mix up my own sound. Something like this maybe. Haha, I’ve got the most bizarre tastes, but I’m so in love with this find even though it’ll bring me the strange looks…

Smash a kangaroo with me?

And I love to dance, obviously (and not the kind ya’ll do on the dance floors with your dresses and bare feet after a glass of wine too many – though I did do that at a wedding a few months ago and it was eight glasses of wine too many and good times).

That video I posted the other day might have just been some kid dancing like a robot to most, but what I see in that tape is precision popping and locking to each individual break. At times he’s moving his head, neck, arms, fingers and feet all in perfect time – one of the hardest things in the world to do with your body. I’ve spent hours watching that tape – sometimes just watching his feet, other times watching his arm or hand. I’m enchanted by that kid I tell ya.

I’ll never be able to dance at that level as Michael Jackson was not my personal mentor from the age of 11 – but I’m totally obsessed with flow and movement. And that’s going to come in handy with the combination of athletics and music thing above.

And really, why am I not dancing? Like really dancing hard? That’s what I used to do everyday – what I love – and it’s one of the best ways to shape my body – mixing ballet for flexibility, hip-hop for cardio and pop and lock for precision and challenge. I don’t even need to pay for it because it’s all self-taught. It’s just a matter of getting back in-tune with my body and what it can actually do.

I can do this; take the other path. And I’m going to. No more sweeping my passions under the rug because ‘I don’t think I can’. I can do anything.

It’s time to stop talking and start doing.

Filed under: music, resolution, self   |  11 Comments