Blogging and smoking. This time it’s the latter.
I quit smoking earlier this year but then I had to go seeing the moon in February with it’s massive end-of-the-world ring around it and the next day life as I’d known it changed forever. As I packed and addressed a box full of journals and children’s toys and clothes and music and pictures and presents and printed emails – retribution by annihilation at it’s finest – someone told me to calm the fuck down crazy woman, step away from the box of destruction and smoke a cigarette. So I did.
And here I am, 36 hours into my quit after smoking again for almost six months. I very much want to kick the shit out of something or someone equally as bad as I did back then but instead I’m opting to stretch, deep breathe, suck orange Tic Tacs and alternately drink coffee and water in hopes of catching some kind of damn buzz while looking over venue options for a mid-summer’s evening wedding next year.
I have so many reasons for quitting but at the moment, it’s these:
Picturing all of our family and friends with Colin and our daughters at the end of this aisle brings me such an immense sense of pleasure, calm, hope and happiness. It’s something I’ve never been so sure of in our entire 7+ years together as I am today.
But if I want my wedding, dream $ venue, dream $ dress (pictured above), dream $ photographer, dream $ flowers and to be married before the girls start school next year, then I have no choice but to make a lot of smart choices.
Dropping the pricey and disgusting smoking habit was a no-brainer – it’s just a hard no-brainer because it’s a physical addiction on top of a mental one. Dropping wine and drinking in general (which goes hand-in-hand with smoking, therefore, has been eliminated for now as well) was not nearly as hard, but still.
GaaaaaaaaAAAAhhhwwd.
Anyway, please bear with me for the next few days while I go through major withdrawals, scattered thoughts, general bitchiness or just plain absenteeism while I bury my face in a pillow and try not to rip people’s heads off.
Filed under: resolution, self | 13 Comments
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drinking always causes Coral to relapse into smoking! grrrr… and i like to drink, and she likes ot smoke.
It will be so worth it! GOOD LUCK!
Hang in there Doll! I can’t think of a better reason to quit!
Good luck!
Quitting sucks but I know you can do and it really helps to have that kind of motivation, you will rock , I know it!
good luck with that. {insert overly used pearl of wisdom here}
You got this!!
You can do this!
Good luck with the changes – I’m supporting you from here!!!
~K
And if there’s anyone who deserves all that, it’s you!
You can do this… it’ll be great
Good luck! You will be FINE!
sex. Lots of it. Got me through.
I know how hard it is (which is why I STILL haven’t quit!), but I also know if anyone can kick the smoking habit, it’s YOU!! What wonderful inspiration you have to do it, too!
I’m sorry I’ve been MIA, and didn’t even know you were getting married, so Congratulations!!! I’m so very happy for you all!! *hugs*
Quitting sucks. Allow me to explain a little that might help. Nicotine takes over the brain’s job of producing dopamine (the “feel good” chemical in the brain). When you quit, the lazy-ass brain doesn’t just start producing it again on it’s own; it needs to be retrained. That’s why it sucks so much to quit-you’re running low on dopamine. Teach your body how to do it again by doing things that increase dopamine production: sex (if you like it, haha), exercise, laughing hysterically, and basically anything that makes you happy. Snuggling with cute little girls probably works well