happy birthday to you

02Jul09

In reflection of years past I honestly cannot remember what we’ve done for your birthday…the only one that sticks out was our vacation to Osoyoos and the mess I made – the alcohol; Tony hitting that damn boat trailer and the subsequent fight; the hangover; the ice cream cake I bought and stuck under the A/C in the car in hopes it would make it back to Vancouver intact (fail, duh); driving away the next day from the desert in a sandstorm – the gusts of wind causing me to death grip the steering wheel with shaking hands – all while vowing to never return to that God forsaken summer party town which we (I) had just left an ugly mark on.

I hate that it’s the only birthday of yours I can actually remember.

The rest of them have been so downplayed that they don’t even register in my mind. Over the years, I’ve always let you be the romantic, let you woo me and do all of these amazing, beautiful things to make me feel like a true princess on my birthday. I never even tried to reach that level of giving and passion in gestures. Lazy mind, lazy heart and taking YOU for granted in the knowledge that you’d always love an want me no matter what I did or did not do on your birthday. It was almost unconscious and somehow, your special day has been lost in the shuffle of Canada Day celebrations and upcoming holidays.

I’ve been unthoughtful in the past, leaving everything to the last minute and/or counting on others to make the plans; money spent on ridiculous things to make up for my serious lack of creativity, at other times nothing more than a happy birthday.

For that, I am truly sorry.

I’ve not walked the talk of your partner and it’s only been in recent weeks that I’ve felt an overwhelming urge to give to you; to listen to you and to what you – Colin, the man, the heart, the soul, the mind – want and need from a partner.

Only now have I actually looked past the Daddy, the protector, the provider, the lover. Often I look at you now when you’re not paying attention and admire; wonder. I think about what would make you happy, what would make your heart swell, what would give you butterflies, what would put the biggest, brightest smile on your face.

And the answer is simple really.

It taken a lot to get to this point. Our years together have been nothing short of turbulent, a downright nose spin straight into icy waters that ended last week in what felt like an explosion on impact. How we’ve managed to collect the pieces and save us, I don’t know. But today, I’m so pleased and honoured to say that we’ve made it out of that wreckage hand in hand. That because of our crash and burn, we’ve become stronger, more passionate, more in in-tune with Colin and Jennifer.

That we’re no longer playing roles of married people with kids, rather truly nurturing the individuals, the spirits and souls, tending to the very fabrics of which we are made from. Lets never lose us again, okay?

Yes, you are a good, kind, gentle man. I wouldn’t love and have had children with you if you weren’t.

But, you are also a person, an individual that I am truly, passionately and so very much in love with. You don’t settle or allow me to settle for anything but excellence, passion, excitement and happiness in this relationship – and for that, I am the luckiest woman alive. On this day, your birthday, I want to shout it from the rooftops, print it on a banner and hang it from the tallest building and spell it out in fireworks in the purple sky for all to see, however, my little piece of the internet will have to do.

Anyway, I wanted to buy you new golf clubs for your birthday (and you’ll still get them even if I have to take a second job), but since we have that little saving for Disneyland problem, I hope this suffices for now:

Here is my heart.

Happy 29th Birthday you young thang

Filed under: LOVE, heart   |  11 Comments