Things

28May09

Obviously by the title here, my mind is on a creative hiatus – please excuse the general thought vomit this post will consist of.

1. Career

This has been the longest work week of my life by far. Why? Because when I leave my desk with it’s picturesque view of Mt. Baker and the roof-top pool of the Four Seasons Hotel on Friday, I will be officially part-time. No more calling in sick, no more feeling guilty, no more walking in the next day fearing for my job.

That being said, I’m busy. Busier than I’ve ever been in my career. You see, I went back to work full-time last September when my mind was occupied with things it shouldn’t have been occupied with. And then there was the fallout, drama, pain, therapy, recovery and most importantly, rebuilding my own seriously bruised and battered relationship with Colin. It wasn’t until the very end of April of this year that my head was finally IN my work – and I was dreadfully behind.

Literally, there were documents date stamped with October 2008 that I had pushed off. So, for the month of May, I was swamped with catching up. Working OT from home and not billing my hours, etc. – all out of guilt for a combination of fucking the dog and personal issues that flooded me from September to April.

When I look back, I am nothing short of shocked I still have a career there. But I do, so I won’t stew in the negative “what ifs”.

These days, I feel like a super star at work. I’m almost 100% up to date, my boss comes to me first for everything because I produce quality work that he can trust and I almost feel like I could continue full-time and be happy. But. There are a few things I’m really excited about…

2. My kids

Needless to say, being a full-time working mommy comes with it’s disadvantages – like spending two hours a day with your babies. The few hours I do have with them M-F aren’t one on one type things either. My favourite time of day has always been the 20 minute walk to and from school because rain or shine, it’s just the three of us, holding hands, talking, singing and laughing. Quality time. When we get home though, it’s go, go, go. I usually key down with a glass of wine and my lappy and then it’s dinner, clean up, laundry, baths, bed, etc. Hectic stuff.

But weekends eventually come and with the beautiful summery weather we’ve actually been out doing stuff as a family of four or three depending on Colin’s work schedule. Last weekend it was just them and me and I’ve never had such a great time just the three of us out and about. The weekend before that, the four of us jam-packed the entire weekend and created memories the girls still talk about.

That’s what this is all about. Creating memories for them. Time spent in front of the TV or in their room playing are not times they remember. Rather, it’s being out, seeing new things, going places we’ve never been before, exploring and wandering – basically what Col and I did every weekend during our 4 childless years. We’re doing it with our kids now and those are the things that stick with them and what they share at school with their teachers and friends.

In other words, I can’t wait for part-time to start so I can create a new adventure for the three of us at least once a week.

3. Sun

I mentioned it already, but since we’ve had a consecutive five days of sunshine in Vancouver, it’s officially summer!! Layers have been peeled off, skin has been exfoliated, flowy skirts and tanks have been pulled out of their drawers, bathing suits, sunglass, sun hats and beach towels are on call. Ahhh, summer.

I don’t think there is a single person out there who adores sunshine like I do. Seasonal Affective Disorder has it’s way with me from September through April. I gain weight, I whine, I pick up travel brochures and plan fake trips to sunny places, I look at my white skin and cringe…

And then my darling sun comes out and kisses my face and shoulders and all is right in the world again. Sunlight flowing through the blinds is enough to bounce out of bed and start my day early, plans are made, body is smooth, moisturized and sun-kissed, hair is air dried and worn long and wavy or piled into a loose bun and it’s a pleasure to do most everything just feeling the sunshine glowing around me.

Yeah, sun! My wonder drug.

4. Fitness and Health

Oh my. Oh my oh my oh my. My ass is getting stomped by EA Active already after two nights. The first night we did a full body workout and the next day I couldn’t walk. I whimpered to Colin on the phone from work, “Please, no lower body tonight…PLLLLEEEEEASE”. So he created an amazing workout last night that consisted of shooting hoops, catching, throwing and hitting the baseball, tennis, boxing and a bit of resistance work. Then he led me through his own routine of abs and seated rows and UGH.

Oh, and whoever invented jumping lunges should be hanged. Damn you.

I’m still sore from Day 1 and now my arms are done, too. But I must stick with it and get to know Active because come Monday, June 1, I’m starting the EA Active 30-Day Challenge where I will proceed to get my body sculpted for summer and the dress I’ll be wearing to our friends wedding at the end of July. I want it to accentuate my waist and legs, not be floral, matronly or frumpy and must be worthy of a full night of dancing and mingling with dear friends without feeling self conscious. I have work to do. ‘Nuff said.

Also with health is a complete 360 in our eating habits. I’m avoiding fast food and eating out like the plague and well as limiting wheat products and sugar. I’m trying to eat mostly lean protiens and ton of fresh greens for dinners. Lunches are consisting of healthy, lean sandwiches or soup and salads.

Eventually, eating lunch out will be a thing of the past as I plan to prepare both mine and Colin’s lunches everyday starting next week. Breakfast is still a bit of a struggle for us, but we’re going to hit up Costco and look for a nice protein bar or something else quick and easy. That’s our main problem with breakfast – time. Any suggestions?

5. Money

Col and I have a 4th birthday party in Disneyland to plan and we’d like to have that booked by the end of July. In essence that means that the reigns are being harshly tightened as we want to save and pay cash for this trip rather than throw it on a credit card and come back to a hefty debt load.

Things are being severely cut – there will be no Whistler trip for our birthdays this year, nor will there be any extravagance for either birthday or Father’s Day. We’ve accepted that fact and plan on just being together without throwing down cash to do cool things. Besides, going part-time is going to be a chunk of income we don’t have anymore – and we MUST adapt. Shattering our daughter’s dreams of spending their 4th birthday with the Disney Princesses is NOT an option.

6. Turning 30

In a few weeks, I’ll leave my 20s behind and despite fears that this would be a tough one, all I have to say is, “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out”.

Seriously, I just know that the next ten years are going to be my healthiest physically, emotionally and mentally; my relationships with Colin, my daughters, our family and friends are going to flourish; there will hopefully be a balance and zen in life that allows me to deal with these onsets of the blahs, craziness and depressions I seem to get once in awhile.

Oh, and there’s that thing they say about women in their 30s

My 20s brought me some great things – Colin, my career, my girls – but they were also filled with angst, self hate, depression, anger, regret, never being content, hurt, hate, loathing, creating drama for myself and others, selfishness, loneliness and the feeling of being more an overgrown teenager than a woman. To be honest, the last two years of my 20s have been the worst of my life so far and I am so ready to start a fresh new decade with these three beautiful souls I call my family, our extended families and good friends.

A few short weeks away from my 30th birthday, I feel different. My energy levels and spirit are those of someone much younger than me, but my head and heart feel all grown up.

I like this place.

Filed under: pointy, positivity!, randomly, resolution   |  14 Comments