lovely saturday thinkathon

21Nov09

In this house, weekend mornings are super chill. Slooooow Mo. No clocks, no plans, no obligations. One of my favourite things to do on a Saturday is listen to a little inspiring music, pour a fresh cup of coffee and do a good meme.

So this morning it’s all about Explosions in the Sky ‘Birth and Death of a Day‘ – which I believe is the most inspiring musical creation in the history of music … oh my GOD, this song and video are so good that my mind wants to explode in pleasure after I do something wild like grow wings and fly around the world sprinkling golden fairy dust while kissing millions of cheeks and delivering taser shots of love … it’s seriously so inspiring and gorgeous … a reminder of why I’m alive … to experience beautiful things like this.

Oh, and a meme my friend, Raino, shared on her blog earlier.

So, so much love to her … she’s a gem. Her generous and giving spirit will be remembered every Christmas when I set out the beautiful tree skirt she sent me last year from across the country.

As for the meme, it’s a deep thinking one and I love it. Let’s do it …

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Perfect happiness, hmmm. For me it’d be a combination of excellent health … madly and passionately loving and being loved … the ability to create something beautiful everyday … to give myself to the world in a way that would bring light, hope and joy to people’s lives who are less fortunate than myself … opening my bedroom window to sunshine and breathing in clean, fresh air every morning then drinking a glass of fresh squeezed juice made from the oranges I just picked off the tree in my backyard.

What is your greatest fear?

Forgetting people, experiences, feelings, memories.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

None.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Ego, negativity, desperation to fit in or being without passion.

What is your greatest extravagance?

An hour all to myself in a hot bath, glass of wine to sip.

What is your current state of mind?

Ease, peace, calm, inspired, open.

What is the quality you most like in a man?

Kindness, passion, compassion and the ability to love and be loved.

What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Kindness, passion, compassion and the ability to love and be loved.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

Amazing and awesome! I think a new world is due … amasome … awezing … ?

When and where were you happiest?

In this moment.

Who are your favorite writers?

The thinkers and dreamers, the songwriters and poets, the ones who inspire and who aim to touch the stars and beyond.

Which talent would you most like to have?

To dance like Michael Jackson or one of his dancers in This Is It.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

Our location – I’d love to steal them away to a warmer climate at the edge of the ocean in a hippie-esque community away from urban sprawl and pollution. A simpler, cleaner way of life.

If you died and came back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

A wandering, adventuring soul with only a notebook and camera.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?

Nothing. Acceptance and self-love is a pretty amazing thing.

Where would you like to live?

Like I said before, a warmer climate at the edge of the ocean in a hippie-esque community away from urban sprawl and pollution. Somewhere I can grow gardens, flowers and orange and lemon trees.

What is your most treasured possession?

My photos.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Being without love or the ability to love.

What do you most value in your friends?

Ease, laughter, the ability to share themselves as well as listen, sing, dance, smile, cry and hug … and the ability to have comfortable silences and quiet contemplation in each other’s presence.

What are your favorite names?

Callie and Lily … but also, Brooklyn. That’s what I was going to name my daughter if I had only one.

What is it that you most dislike?

Wet cold, alarm clocks, negativity, angry, egotistical and harsh people, close mindedness.

What is your greatest regret?

No regrets, baby. I’ve loved my entire journey so far.

How would you like to die?

Suddenly … like if Earth just exploded into dust in the universe.

What is your motto?

Focus on the moment. Be love.

Filed under: LOVE, meme, music   |  2 Comments

life is wonderful

19Nov09

This morning, despite forecasts of heavy rain, I woke up to sunshine.

And this morning, despite staying up late to write yesterday’s post, I woke up with an abundance of energy. Not energy to run miles or cook up a feast or de-clutter and organize closets, but creative energy. The kind of energy in which you mentally redesign your home and dream of green plants, candles and twinkling fairy lights around bed frames.

The kind of creative energy that makes a woman want to romance her white spaces and each person who walks into her home.

This morning while bubbling over with creative energy, I read Tara’s blog and reveled in another one of her beautiful photos. You see, Tara takes seriously beautiful pictures of her world and occasionally finds hearts in nature; it’s one of my favorite things in the entire world about her and in my brain I call her art “found love”.

My absolute favorite was her found love in the sky.

After seeing her newest photo and in combination with my own creative energy, I decided that I want a feature wall in my house of found love consisting of Tara’s art, other people’s art and my own art. Every picture will have a story tucked into the back detailing the wheres, whens, who’s and whys; history of the artwork for when I’m no longer here and my girls wonder what was up with mom’s fascination with love.

Later in the day, my Twitter stream began humming with updates and prayers for a blogger I’d never read or known of before and in following the links I learned of a woman, mother of three and friend to many who had fallen ill to a massive stroke the day before.

Regardless of the fact that this woman is a stranger – my heart, energies and soul were transported to her for a brief moment. To her, her children, her husband and her family. Nothing else mattered then but to channel every ounce of light and positive energy I could muster up to members of my human family who were suffering.

And in doing so, so much was put in perspective.

I try to live for this moment only. Very rarely anymore do I think ahead to the next hour, day or month (save for the big kid stuff like grocery lists and planning Christmas, etc.); being in the now has become an incredibly powerful tool and combined with practices of love, compassion and empathy, my life has changed immensely.

Yet to read about a young, vibrant, happy mother falling so ill so fast? It reminded me of just how delicately us humans are woven.

It reiterated the importance of now.

And optimal health.

And love.

So this morning I decided to drop everything and dedicate myself completely to the day and my kids, giving constant gratitude for the fact I had a day, hour and minute with them. I began truly living in the moment, embraced all of that creative energy building up inside and began planning out my legacy – even if all that legacy adds up to is a couple of framed pictures of found love and a blog full of random, wonderful, heartbreak, healing, songs, pictures, love and awesome.

I began embracing my own inner child, all that is my children and their excitement for my brother’s birthday and Christmas and phoned up Colin sporadically throughout the day just to say I’m thinking about you and I love you … because life’s way too short and unpredictable to not to say it whenever you feel it.

And in not focusing on what I might write for tonight’s post, I found total peace in the knowledge that the people I love know it a little bit more. My mind was 100% focused on them when they were in my presence. It’s not like I spend constant time on the internet anyway, but so far this month I’ve spent far too much time consumed with what I’d write everyday to complete this NaBloPoMo task. Why? I don’t know.

What I do know is that I’ve been challenged and I’ve written a couple of posts that have touched people … and that’s all I really wanted.

When I write here I want to give something. Not something forced or scheduled or required by NaBloPoMo law. I want to share thoughts of worth and value or something I feel passionately about.

So I’m going to write because I’m inspired rather than challenged and when I’m not writing here I’m just going to love, focus on being the healthiest I can be, create my legacy and beauty in my surroundings and try to hone in on what magical and amazing things I’m meant to do in this life … because I know there’s something important to give and contribute to the world … I’m just not sure of what yet.

Today I discovered a few things: that the weatherman is full of shit … that creativity flows through my veins if I allow it … that creativity feels really damn good … that we’re such fragile and delicate creatures with no guarantees past the breath we just inhaled and that this moment is all we have no matter how young, healthy, vibrant, happy and loved we are … that it’s been a good NaBloPoMo ‘09 run and I’m extremely proud of myself for 18 days of posting … and that there will be no 4th try next year or ever!

Life is wonderful.

It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I’m saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

La la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Al la la la la

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

Ha la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is so full of
Ah la la la la la la life is so rough
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is our love
Ah la la la la la

It takes some silence to make sound
It takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life is meaningful
Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
Ha la la la la la life it is…so… wonderful
It is so meaningful
It is so wonderful
It is meaningful
It is wonderful
It is meaningful
It goes full circle
Wonderful
Meaningful
Full circle
Wonderful

Filed under: heart, nablopomo, resolution, self   |  7 Comments

you’re old

17Nov09

On November 18, 1981 a baby boy was born.

A few weeks later he was placed upon his two year old sister’s lap for a photo op. Adoringly, he gazed up at big sister with his big blue eyes – and she poked him – in the big blue eye. The pictures are of big sister looking up at the camera laughing and baby brother crying.

Five years down the road, baby brother and big sister were playing in their mom’s garden – digging holes to China or something. As big sister leaned over the stick baby brother was ramming into the dirt, she was jabbed less than an inch away from her eyeball and was left with a scar for life.

Baby brother still insists it was an accident.

Happy 28th birthday to my baby brother … the only person in this world who can bring the kind of laughs that make tears stream down my face … my concert and movie buddy … my midnight Tim Horton’s soup and hot chocolate comrade … my head’s up music guy … the only person who will lend me money if I need it without question or interest … the best skier I know … the easiest birthday and Christmas present I have to buy … a believer of nothing other than plain old science and evolution … a seriously fantastic cook … a huge conspiracy theorist … youtube and race car addict … one of the only people I know who has zero tolerance for drama, has no need to be accepted or fit into anything and will call a person out on their bullshit but won’t judge them for being full of shit … one of the smartest people I know.

And finally, to the best brother (or Uncle Jeff) a girl could have.

Happy 28th. You’re old.

Filed under: heart, la famille, nablopomo   |  7 Comments

most cheering post ever

16Nov09

Weird! This morning I took a cruise through my old Huckdoll’s Hood blog archives trying to find out when I flunked out of NaBloPoMo ‘08 and found this, written on this day last year. It’s a weird feeling to read it and be transported back in time, yet not even recognize the person who wrote it. So in the spirit of happiness and positivity, I present to you,

Most Depressing Post Ever
Most Cheering Post Ever

November 16, 2008
November 16, 2009

I guess the NaBloPoMo gods woke me up to make sure I got a post in or something because I’m cutting it really close here.
NaBloPoMo gods?? If there were such ridiculous things, they’d have to bite me because I’m a good hour away from cutoff as I write this.

(Note: In ‘08 my last NaBloPoMo post was November 17 before I flunked out. If I can make it to Wednesday, I think I’ll have me a win – a personal best that is. Another interesting (to me) fact is that I unknowingly used that Get Out of Hell Free card on the exact same day as last year, but last year because I was emotionally strung out and tired; this year because I was awesome and went out with big people. Still … coincidences like that are wonderful and weird to strange cookies like me)

The facts:

I’ve been asleep since 7:30pm, my girls since 5:30pm.
I’ve yet to go to bed but I’ll be under my blankets the moment this is published, my girls have been sleeping since 9pm. I love sleep and am super passionate about (and good at) it. I wonder if I do it well enough and learn all the ins and outs of snoring, sleep walking, talking, drooling and teeth grinding that maybe I can make like a mainstream mommy blogger, gather my fellow army of sleep lovers and throw up a big ruckus demanding to get paid for our dedication to the Zzzzzzs. Because we are good at it and deserve to be compensated for our passion, dammit! *stomps foot*

Baby Daddy and I are no longer together, obviously.
COLIN (how did I get away with ‘Baby Daddy’ for so long guys? Ick.) is sitting beside me watching Mission Impossible and hockey highlights. He’s cute in his gray snowboarding toque, blue jeans and Earth t-shirt.

It doesn’t feel good nor am I happy about it, but it was my doing. Again.
It feels really good and I am ridiculously happy about it. Getting to this point has been a long, uneven, pothole covered, roadkill dodging, foggy, bumpy road and it was both of our doings; both of us navigating together. For the first time.

I’m not looking for sympathy here. I made this bed.
Making beds is overrated.

Functioning is quite hard but I am managing to do it until my girls fall asleep. Then I stop.
Functioning is my favourite thing to do after sleeping and I do so fully, easily and happily until my girls fall asleep. Then I stop and drink some wine.

My eyes are tired and sore and heavy and the reason I fell asleep at 7:30 was more just because I needed a break from crying.
My eyes are fine but you know what? No one tells you as they jab you with the flu shot that your arm is going to basically swell in pain, rot and fall off for three days. Today I woke up with a fully attached and functioning left arm and what do I do? Smash my right elbow into the corner of a wall while gracefully doing laundry, sending shooting pains up and down my arm and rendering it less useful than my swine shot arm was. I cried inside.

Today was really hard emotionally.
Today was a bit of a mental challenge with it being the 3rd day of the Pineapple Express rainstorm, but emotionally? All med-free groove, man.

I don’t think I’ve smiled even once.
I think I’ve smiled at least 20 times each hour of today. I’m smiling right now, can’t you tell?

I want to make this blog private but I don’t have the energy or motivation to do it right now.
Bah. There’s nothing on this blog I’d waste my time on besides writing it. Life’s too short to obsess over blogging (except during NaBloPoMo) especially since the world will probably, at worst, end in 2012 and at best, the internet will die. Who’s going to care about their blogs then? We’ll have to tell our stories face to face. No online!! I KNOW.

I wish I had a hand to hold or a hug or anything.
I’m holding hundreds, thousands, millions of hands every day as I feel extremely connected to humankind. The most special ones are those of my girls and the handsome man sitting beside me right now and for that I am truly blessed.

I am probably not okay, but I will be soon I guess.
I am happy in such abundance that it’s overwhelming sometimes. I made this for myself and there is so much life changing power in fully grasping the concepts of love, compassion, giving and happiness.

Okay, I’m going back to bed now.
Okay. I’m going to bed now <3

“The bad news is, your choices and intentions, some people and places, those nights spent awake and all you’ve done, can lead you to the bottom of the pit. The good news is, this wouldn’t be the first time someone’s crawled, tooth and nail, out of hell.”

- I Wrote This For You … “The Ground Will Give Way“

Filed under: LOVE, nablopomo, positivity!   |  13 Comments